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raPidLyFalLiN4u
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Name: Lauren
Country: United States
State: Maryland
Metro: Annapolis
Birthday: 2/20/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: I love: God, love, 1 corinthians 13:13, friends, sunflowers, little shop of horrors, dancing, dancing in the rain, laughing, loving life, friends, Broadneck High School, The Talent Machine Company, The Collison's house, Romantic Movies, <3, small gestures, the phrase, "I love you", Vacations, Bobbi, living life to the fullest, music, musicals, catherine zeta - jones, Broadneck Chamber Chorus, late nights.... finding out who I am!
Expertise: i'm good at being me!
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  dancrqt03
Member Since:
4/1/2005
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| time to tell me the truth
to burden your mouth for what you say
no pieces of paper in the way
cause i can't continue pretending to chose
these opposite side of which we fall
of loving you later if at all
no right minds could wrong be this many times
my memory is cruel
i'm queen of attention to details
defending intentions if he fails
until now he told me her name
it sounded familiar in a way
i could've sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
oh if only i had been listening
leave unsaid unspoken
eyes wide shut unopened
you and me always between the lines
between the lines
i thought i thought i was ready to bleed
that we'd move from the shadows on the wall and stand in the center of it all
too late two choices to leave or to stay
and mine was too easy to uncover, he'd already left with the other
so i've learned to listen through silence
leave unsaid unspoken
eyes wide shut unopened
you and me always be
you and me always be
i tell myself all the things he surely meant to say
i talk until the conversation doesn't stay on wait for me i'm almost ready
when he meant let go.
leave unsaid unspoken
eyes wide shut unopened
you and me always between the line.
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| life's going ok right now.
i absoutely hate living at my house. My parents are psycho. Specifically my mom. She's convinced I'm doing hardcore drugs like coke which just baffles me. She's such a bitch and has stopped thinking i'm capable of doing anything. And I know I've fucked up a lot, but aren't your parents supposed to believe in you no matter what? And she's depressed. I walk into my house and it's not a happy place, it's sad all the time and it just gets to you. I cannot wait till I can go to salisbury and not have to live with them anymore.
School is going well. I haven't fucked up there yet. I'm sure in time I'll find some way to mess all of that up, but so far so good.
I'm so excited for after college and I get to live on my own and not have to deal with any of the bullshit that I have to deal with now in my life. I really wanna move to italy for a ear and not talk to anyone from here and just be on my own. I think it would be so amazing to just spend a year meet italian boys and drink wine. I'm saving up now so that I can do something cool after college. I have all these plans for after school. Like I wanna go to Vegas the summer after I turn 21 aka next summer haha. Or rent an rv for the summer and travel across America. Or live in New York for a year.
And I don't want to be a teacher. I keep lying to myself because that's taking the easy way. The truth is i have absolutely no idea what I want to do. I'm finding I have an interest in psychology,but that requires a lot of school and I don't really have money or drive for all that. In my perfect world I would be way skinnier and have never started smoking (anything) and would've never stopped dancing so that i would be more secure about the big dream. But there's no way I can do that. It's funny you grow up and your whole life everyone tells you that you can whatever you but then you grow up and you realize that's not really true. Not everyone can grow up and do whatever they want. I'm not saying you should settle, you just have to realize a dream is just a dream and you should find something else that can make you happy for the rest of your life. The problem is I've spent my entire life doing musical theater and I've absolutely loved every second of it. But you gotta grow up sometime I guess.
I don't feel like myself anymore. Like this strong and confident person has just vanished because i have to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life and I have no fucking idea what I want to do.
i need a cigerette.
-lauren | | |
| i thought it was about time for a breakdown.... i was right. | | |
| first good weekend in a really long time. | | |
| is watch my mother deteriorate in front of me. as a human being she's just completely crushed. it really is the hardest thing i've ever had to do. | | |
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